i know what I'm doing...

The other day when I got home, I called my hubby to see when he would be home.  That conversation went something like this:
Me:  "Hey babe, how was your day?"
J:  "It was great, how was your day?" 
Me:  (Half serious in all my naivety, half joking.) "Great, you know I have been thinking today.  I think I have our future planned out and taken care of." 
[Enter moment of silence and a bit of nervous laughter from Justin because he knows my goals and ideas are always a little lofty....and that my type A personality sometimes a lot of times, gets the best of me.]
J:  "Okay...." 
Me:  "Okay do you want me to tell you about them?" [He's not giving me anything at this point.  Obviously, he's thinking I'm crazy at this point and he's ready to give me a shpeel to remind me to be grounded.  He's pretty good like that.] 
I kept on going with the conversation and told him all about my (yes, my) big plans about our future. I won't give you all the juicy details as I'm really not into sharing all my inner secrets and thoughts in technology world.  I trust you all...just not all the kookies. ;)
After I shared all of my plans, hubby gave his insight.   He explained that my ideas were great but that obviously, since those were the plans I had created and thought I would make happen, that they wouldn't happen and that God was basically rolling His eyes at me.  I explained that yes I knew what he was saying, and yes I know it's silly to tell my husband my plans for our future when God is in charge, not me.  Yes, I  know all these things.  I know. However, in a way, it just feels good saying what I want to happen.  Stating what I'm going to do.  Making a plan.  Sometimes I hope I'm right.  Sometimes, I plan my plans almost hoping that I'm wrong and that God laughs at me.  Because I want God to move me and shake me.  I want Him to slap His own plans on me.  I want to hear him say, "Cait, get a grip.  Here's what's going to happen."  Honestly, all truth on the table, I'm a bit confused by my lack of prayers answered lately.  I'm frustrated and in a brutally honest point in my life with God.  I know He's there, I know He's working, but I finally took it upon myself to "get it all figured out".  Right.  
Thankfully, I have been reminded in numerous ways lately, that in this moment where I feel like God has hit the "pause" button, he's really still on "play".  Maybe He's not showing me things right now for a reason.  Maybe it's because He's busy orchestrating the details around me, as the amazing Amy, wrote about here the other day.  Maybe He's letting me learn a lesson right now.  A lesson that I'll only understand down the road and once I get over my stubbornness.

And for now, I'm at peace with that.  Finally.

I like the NIV version of one of my favorite verses (Jeremiah 29:11)...

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

But this one seems even more directly stated for my current soul battle...

I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for
(emphasis added)
When do you think God has laughed at your plans? Where have you seen God fulfill prayers when you felt like He hit the pause button on your life? What verses help lift you up in times of weariness?

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  1. haha a very wise husband you have!
    i think we women get the best of ourselves by trying to plan out our lives. And yes, God is probably laughing at us all the time : )

  2. Girl, i'll be praying for you! I too tend to have my own plan in my head and forget in all the hustle and bustle of daily life that God is the one in charge not me and everything will happen how he wants it not how i want it and theres a reason for everything! you arent the only one and that verse is a great one to keep in mind! thx for sharing! I'm sure God has laughed at my plans a time or two or a thousand! Hope you have a good rest of the evening!

  3. Good post, Cait! Thanks for sharing your heart on this. :-)

  4. I totally understand where your coming from Cait! I think we all feel at one point or another like God has hit the 'pause' button on our lives. Sometimes things dont happen the way we think they should..but God DOES have the best plans AND timing!! Just trust in Him! :-)

  5. First, I enjoy that you used the word shpeel.
    Second, I have felt like that so many times before. You think of a plan and it seems perfect. But God has an even more perfect one. And I just WISH he would let me in on it. I'm totally on board with his plan...but maybe if I knew the plan, I could help in it?
    But that wouldn't teach us anything.

  6. Absolutely been there, got a parking permit! One of my favorite verses is Prob 16:9

    In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

    It reminds me that I can do all the planning I want and stress out about the future, but ultimately, plan or no plan, the Lord will determine what happens next. It's freeing to know that I am not in control because that comes with fear of messing up or making the wrong decisions. I just have to keep holding on and trusting that God IS with me, Is in control and HAS great things for me =)

  7. I SO do this all the time too! I'm such a planner and it's just nice to KNOW what is going to happen with our lives. It's a constant battle to give God our plans and trust that He knows what He's doing!
    The passage where Jesus calms the storm in Mark 4 (and the other gospels) is usually a comfort to me. Jesus calls us to have faith and not be afraid because He cares for us. =)

  8. I thought this was a great post!
    Out of high school, I "knew" exactly how my life would go-haha. But, most of those things I wanted so badly came about in very different ways than I had planned. Our latest struggle with infertility was a tough one- and it changed us forever. But, during that struggle I "got it" at one point and realized that God wanted me closer to Him. He wanted me to slow down. He wanted Drew and I to draw closer to Him in good times AND in hard times. It didn't make it any easier to do, though- hehe:) He taught us alot- and about 16 months after we first started trying, we got a positive pregnancy test, to the shock of my Doctor who had me in line for IVF. I realized that while my plans are fun and creative- they are not as good as the plans God has made for me. I am working on not making so many plans and just loving where I am now and being thankful for what is in my arms.
    What really helped me through this time was being out in nature and having long talks with God. I have been searching for a verse that might describe our infertility, but haven't found one that fits us. Music helped alot, too.
    I will be praying for you- I know it can be very disheartening and frustrating being in this type of situation. Always keep your great spirit!

  9. Oh how I have learned that He is in charge! I know it is a challenge and I pray for you to have patience and be at peace in your time of waiting. Looking back it is a wonderful opportunity to "fine tune" yourself and grow closer to God. Totally worth the wait (I'm still waiting and can say that). Let God be in the driver's seat, relax and enjoy the view.


Thanks for stopping by! Your support and insight encourage and inspire me! I would love to hear your thoughts.

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